January in Mexico

progressive Want

2010-03-08T21:37:00.001-08:00

(this picture is just for fun)

grace flows from Your throne

no heart can know

the fullness of Your love

our souls overflow

more than we know

yet we cry out for More...

the long and winding road...

2010-03-07T14:50:00.000-08:00

Right now it's raining.

Not much, just a few rogue drops escaping from the heavens above to the earth below. They dampen the asphalt in patterns, creating a negative of ancient celestial constellations. Puddles from recent pourings are awakened to lively dancing. The non-native palms lean and bend with the breeze.

And yet, the sun is out. The sky overhead is blue. Shadows are cast long and contrasting.

Sometimes is it so hard to read the times. You dress for sunny and get rained on.

The past 10 months since my last entry have been filled with sun-shining, rainy days. I have witnessed ministries begin and end, and begin anew; relationships in which I placed identity and trust come crashing down; dreams and goals that were so eagerly anticipated, be placed on the "wasn't meant to be" shelf. One day passes into the next, and we journey on leaving each one behind, hoping for fairer weather up the road.

How can the soul go on? What use is there in striving?

His mercies are new every morning.

And so for the past 10 months I have been given a new mercy each day. To encourage, to sustain, to give away. To see the sunshine through the rain. The road is long and winding, narrow and difficult to travel on. But it will lead me home.

fine

2009-05-17T23:42:00.001-07:00

We are doing well these days.

No real revelations or epiphanies or even noteworthy news that I feel compelled beyond control to post. We are just...well. So I have been a little lax on the blogging lately.

And you know, I don't even feel guilty.

Right now we are having a great time visiting with my parents for my dad's birthday.

About a month ago, Joey became the janitor of our church and quit the YMCA. He loves it.

Our best friends are currently in Alaska on the trip of their dreams.

The Lakers just advanced to round 3 of the NBA playoffs.

Rosy is still cute as ever.

We just signed another year long lease at our apartment so we will be staying put for awhile making this home the one I've lived at the longest in 7 years.

Joey and I love each other and our life together. We also love our church and family.

So yeah, pretty standard stuff.

Life is good.

peace

2009-03-19T20:10:00.000-07:00

Isn't it great when things are just...good?

I sat down to dinner after a long day at work today and it was just so good.

Joey is at our friend Kip's house tonight gleefully getting his fill of basketball from March Madness. Rosy is pooped out laying underneath her bed, exhausted from a day of play with her dog-friend Winnie. There's a fluid, loose rhythm flowing into the room from the ipod and it's making me move around the kitchen as I cook. I sing the singer's pensive words as if they are my own. Steamy, savory aromas rise from the pots and pans and I breathe deep. I can taste those smells in my mouth.

There is peace in the house. Peace after a long day.

A mist lingers outside my second-story window persuading me to get cozy and comfy. To be thankful for home and the shelter it brings. Things are getting cold, foggy and difficult to see out there. But in here there are sweet smells, a warm oven, and gentle contemplations.

I am so thankful for what I have. I have been given such good gifts. By a good Giver. A Giver who knows just what I need and is happy to grant graciously. I have a perfect-sized apartment that I whole-heartedly call home; a wonderful, caring and surprising man to share it with who constantly makes me laugh, think, rejoice, get frustrated, practice patience, and learn happy humility - as all good relationships should; I am blessed to be paid money to serve the local church; I have a wonderful, slightly insane family who truly loves each other and us; friends I hope to know to the grave; the hope of a future that will keep getting better as we plan on adding little Vargas-i (multiple Vargas') in a couple years; and a compassionate, honorable, and worthy Lord as my King.

This is only the beginning.

And as I sit storing up all these things in my heart, my plate now emptied of its satisfying contents, I start to realize how untouchable we are.

Joey has been having nightmares on a regular basis for about a week or two now. Every other night or so he is terrorized with these strange, sinister scenarios that leave him to wake unnerved and anxious. It is rare that Joey will have any dreams at all during the night, so to have frequent ones so suddenly whether fanciful or foreboding is out of the norm for him. Combine that with his recent bronchial illness and severe ankle injury after men's retreat, we can't help but think that there may be unseen forces at work here. Forces that would wish us harm, worry or distraction.

But what they so arrogantly fail to realize is.....

We are untouchable.

There is nothing that will divert me from this peace I have found.

At times I fail. Failure is inevitable. Recovery is certain.

What plans there are for us on either side of those realms that war against each other before my unseeing eyes I can't say that I know.

I know which side I am fighting for; I know which side will win.

And so there is peace in the house tonight. And things are good.

But still that fog lingers on...

cologne de phone

2009-03-17T17:55:00.000-07:00

Gag.

Recently someone used the phone at my desk at work. No big deal. There are 4 churches total that use our facility so there are always people coming and going and needing to use the front office for whatever clerical need is beckoning them at the time.

So someone used my phone. Okay.

However, whoever this mystery phone user was that placed this mystery call sometime about 10 days ago now, was wearing what I can only assume was an exorbitant amount of the most repulsive cologne which somehow has managed to fill the entire office with it's pungent aroma as well as saturate the receiver of the phone so that even now, 10 days later and counting, it's putrid odor snakes into my nostrils with each call answered or placed, and causes me to gag something terrible.

Ugh! Gross.

And so far all attempts to dispel this evil have been thwarted. Even Lysol disinfectant has been proven useless against its power. It is an unstoppable force, taking every other pleasant fragrance prisoner.

Please! If anyone has ANY suggestions on how to triumph over this disgusting adversary, I would be forever grateful.

plan to love

2009-03-16T14:10:00.000-07:00

I have stopped flossing.

Not permanently I hope, but it has definitely been deficient from my life long enough to warrant saying I have stopped.

I haven’t always been a flosser. Somewhat recently I made it a goal to floss everyday, and I was doing good at it too. And then one day it just stopped. I can’t exactly remember the reason why. I remember thinking to myself, “I’ll just pick it up again tomorrow. I can’t get gum disease in one day anyway. I’ve gone 26 years without flossing regularly, what’s one more day? Nothing. Tomorrow it is.” That was about a month ago.

How does that happen? To be doing so well in staying consistent with something, and then it just dies. Fizzles out. And all that remains is a smokey, smoldering wick.

I can’t seem to tame life. Just when I think I’ve got it wrangled, it jerks around again and kicks me in the stomach. The air gets knocked out of me like a punctured balloon. The result ends in unreturned phone calls, canceled appointments with friends, flabby unexercised muscles, a growing ring of scum around my bathtub, a dusty Bible, and un-flossed teeth.

Last week my baby caught bronchitis. And when I say baby, I mean my 24 year-old, tattooed, mustached, more-man-than-I-know-what-to-do-with, mexican baby. He contracted it from some unsuspecting or non-disclosing carrier that is as of yet unknown to us. I have no idea where he got it from, but it hit him in the face like a dueling glove full of horseshoes. He came down with a high fever Monday night that lasted all through Thursday with no other tell-tale symptoms of what could be wrong with him. Just this strange mystery fever with no explanation. After days of waiting, missed work, temperature taking and trying every homeopathic or home remedy in the book, we broke down and decided to take him to the doctor.

I don’t do doctors. Growing up, we were always herb and vitamin people. We never had insurance, we never went to doctors, and we were just fine treating ourselves naturally through sickness and health. The way the good Lord intended. With the exception of the occasional emergency room visit. So when I say we broke down and went to the doctor, I mean broke down. And they did what doctors always do. Prescribed a bunch of unnecessary medications we couldn’t afford, gave us that ‘disappointed’ look when we refused all but two, and told us to come back in a few days for a check-up. Joey and I exchanged “Ha, yeah right” expressions after this suggestion. But we did get our money’s worth when they told us what was ailing him. Bronchitis. Go figure. Not to mention the fact that over the weekend he severely sprained his ankle while playing basketball at a men’s retreat with our church and couldn’t walk on it for days. Bad week for Joey.

But that is just life. You think you got it under control and it squirms away from your fingers. With so much uncertainty, what is there to do? What can be done? What hope is there of sanity against such unforeseeable events?

Recently the Lord spoke to me very clearly in a song. A song I was not even listening to at the time. Or thinking about. It just popped in there. Was placed there.

There is a band I enjoy that has a song in which the singer pleads, “Make a plan to love me. Will you make a plan to love me sometime soon?” This line from that song was how God chose to communicate with me that morning while brushing my teeth. Brushing only, not flossing. I didn’t have time to floss. In the midst of life and routine and distracted thoughts about nothing in particular, He asked a very clear, pointed, searing question. Will you make a plan to love me?

Life is unpredictable. I trust that God is in control of all the things I don’t see or understand. But in the meantime I have a responsibility. To Him and my fellow man. A responsibility to make a plan. A plan to love. A sort of plan that will hold true and be carried out to the end no matter what. Through thick and thin, the surprises and the mundane.

I don't know what tomorrow or today or this minute holds for me. But I do know that in the midst of chaos and torrent, someone has made plans to love me today. And I trust that nothing will stand in HIs way.

enough

2009-02-17T16:33:00.000-08:00

Today it gripped my thoughts. It consumed my mind and reason. On a long walk with Rosy through the neighborhood I contemplated and prayed. What does it mean? Why is it so freely and amply given? Why are we implored, commanded even, to desire it? To be content with it?

Enough.

Enough is infinite.

It is everywhere, at all times, at the perfect time.

There is nothing it can't do.

Nothing is beyond its realm of power.

There is nothing I could ever need or be in want of that it would not provide.

Enough is perfection.

It isn't too much; it lacks nothing. It is what it is.

It will always be that.

It takes on a thousand faces, a million shapes and countless combinations.

What a treasure! What a priceless jewel to possess.

To underestimate its worth is foolish. To ask for more, a sin.

Perfection.

Enough.

I want to live in Enough. I want to be overjoyed with Enough. I want to be grateful with Enough. To be creative with Enough. To be wise with Enough. To be generous with Enough.

To make sure others have enough with Enough.

I want Enough to take root. To grow. To blossom.

I want Enough to bear fruit. I want Enough to multiply 10, 20, 100 fold.

To feed the multitudes.

I want Enough to overflow out of me. Uncontrolled. Unmeasurable.

A well whose waters run deep. That will never dry out.

My soul thirsts for satisfaction. May I quench it with Enough.

highlights of 2009 thus far...

2009-01-15T17:18:00.000-08:00

So far these are the glory days , the mental-picture Kodak moments, the after show highlight reels of 2009:

We received a camera from my parents for Christmas (bless them!) with which we have snapping photos like crazy, mostly of Rosy. Ok, ok. I know that was 2008, but that was momentous enough to spill over into 2009.

I participated in my first ever Epiphany celebration thanks to Buzzy & Bethy Enniss.

I received my first Epiphany gift: a mini computer monitor squeegee courtesy of Buzzy and the Pool Route Pros.

Took an evening stroll with my husband and doggie around the neighborhood.

Ate at Outback Steakhouse for the first time.

Wore a pink shirt by choice for the first time ever because it has a picture of a bear saying "Rawr" on it. Thank you Brian Smith.

Started initiating 'hello's with cashiers at stores instead of waiting for them to say it to me first.

This Sunday Joey will begin his first week teaching our church's 7th-9th graders. He is now the leader of that group on Sundays.

We had our first Friend-zy with our old housemates and our friend Justine. (Friend-zy = getting together to watch Friends)

Had some post-holiday fun & feasting at our house with Nate, Casey & Kip while watching A Christmas Story

We are going to a Clippers game this Saturday with a friend of Joey's from YMCA for free.

I actually posted a blog. Woohoo!

Our house all dressed up.

Visiting with my parents for Christmas.

Hanging out with House of Doom

At home.

So far the year is looking up.

too long

2008-12-14T14:49:00.000-08:00

So it's been...awhile since my last entry. Sometimes the idea of taking the time out to sit and think and type...and edit and re-read and delete words and add photos. It's just too much. And the first draft is always way more detailed than it has to be.

I wish I were more like Joey. When he tells a story, it has a beginning a middle and an end. No frills, minimal detail. The point is conveyed and life goes on. When I tell a story, you better make sure you have access to food and a comfy chair because you are going to be there for awhile. I can't help but to relate every detail. The look on her face; what they were wearing; the exact traffic setup when he cut me off; the voice she used when she told that joke; what it reminded me of; the color of the bone that my dog stole from my friends dog when we were there decorating their tree for Christmas after having dinner at someone else's house earlier that evening. See what I mean? I exhaust myself.

I would like to thank everyone who commented, emailed or otherwise about the loss of our Frankie. We appreciate your support and love. We are doing much better this week. It's hard to understand why such a thing should happen, but life is full of that. The times when I don't understand what's going on far outweigh the times when I do understand, so what else should I expect? I am okay with not understanding. It keeps me close to God and dependent on Him for peace and patience, which is always a good thing.

I have been so looking forward to Christmas, while managing to enjoy the coming of it as well; a challenge not often accomplished. To be able to thankfully, peacefully, BE. Drink in the crisp air seasoned with chimney smoke; meander through book stores with my man, hot drink in hand; let the charm of colorful lights adorning houses, storefronts and Christmas trees bring the hum of a carol to my lips. Hearing the quiet, yet compelling voice of my Lord beckoning me to draw close to Him. To seek Him while He may be found. To seek Him first.

In the midst of trouble He is there. In celebration, and in plenty. And though this is the leanest of Christmas' so far for Joey and I financially, I think this is the most I have enjoyed it ever before. Go figure.

I'll post again soon, cross my heart.

a tragic end

2008-12-01T15:47:00.000-08:00

For Thanksgiving Joey and I headed out to the Salton Sea with Kip and the Smith clan. It was a great time with beautiful weather, welcoming company, roaring campfires, ground-cooked turkey, and a night sky that was bigger and more full of shimmering, far-off stars than I had ever seen before in my life. Truly amazing. Thank you Smith family for making this year unforgettable!

Here are some photos of the week (thanks Christine for documenting!)

Hanging out at camp

Turkey Time

The Turkey Pit (filled with 100 pounds of hot coals, it will cook the birds in about 4 hours. This pit is almost 10 years old.)

The Turkey Trolley

The Moment of Truth

Oh man...mmmm

The Toad

The Toad is this amazing vehicle that goes anywhere without mercy; like the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland with the possibility of death. So much fun.

Brian and the Toad right before running over a tent...with someone sleeping inside.

Hanging out and stranded in Bombay Beach

Passing time in the beauty

And now for the tragedy...

On Saturday, we arrived home from picking up our girls (Frankie and Rosy) from the week away. As we were walking with them into our apartment building, they became distracted by some people walking through to the parking lot and began to trot after them. When Joey called to them to come back they got spooked and took off running. After much chasing and calling to them, Joey recovered Rosy but Frankie had gone running into the street in front of our place; a very busy street. She ran and ran until she was struck by a car in the intersection. Joey finally caught up to where she was but it was too late. Two ladies had gotten out of their car and gathered her up in a towel which they handed to Joey. She was gone.

We are heartbroken.

She was our first dog as a family. She was our baby. Rosy's companion, wrestling partner and sister. A huntress of flies and lizards. A moany sleeper. A boofer. The Frank.

Unpacking her handmade Christmas stocking last night was more than we could bear. Our lives won't be the same without her.

We will miss her terribly. She would have been 4 in February.

BOLD vs. Wild-fires

2008-11-20T18:33:00.000-08:00

To all Orange County and Santa Barbara residents:

I would like to officially apologize on behalf of BOLD for the fires caused this last weekend due to our high school youth group's organized desert trip; aka BOLD vs. Wild. Every single trip we have planned over the past 3 summers, whether it be for spiritual or recreational purposes, there has a been a fire somewhere in close proximity to us and our destination. They block our travel routes and burn down our campsites. Not to mention all of the houses and personal property that are destroyed in the process.

We at BOLD can only deduce from these 'coincidences' that some other evil is afoot here, and have come to the conclusion that we are the cause of the fires. Not chance, not circumstance. Every time we plan a youth camp or trip, a fire breaks out wreaking havoc and devastation wherever it goes. We are tired of the destruction, tired of the homes lost, forests scorched, and countless tax-payers dollars spent in rebuilding what was lost.

And for what? A youth camp? Or perhaps a three day desert adventure in the wilds of Lucerne Valley shooting firearms and riding quads with our high-schoolers, eating deliciously made chorizo, beef stew, fun-dip and capri sun, sitting around the campfires until the late night moon rises over the hills illuminating everything it touches with its beautiful yet eerie beams? Is it really worth it year after year?

At any rate, I hope to get some photos of the trip to post soon so stay tuned.

P.S. My heart truly goes out to anyone who was affected by the recent fires. Hang in there OC.

where are all the men??

2008-11-20T18:03:00.001-08:00

I was thinking today about all the different blogs I keep up on and I have to say, where are all the men?

It made me giggle to myself that after following several blogs over the past 6 months or so, each one's content was contributed to exclusively by ladies, even though the majority of those ladies have husbands or significant others.

I am also included in this reality.

Do men blog? Is it only a girl thing? Don't they also have stories and feelings and insights that they feel compelled to share with the rest of mankind?

Ha! In re-reading that sentence I realize...no, they wouldn't, would they? However, if anyone knows of any blogs where the man-type happens to comment from time to time I would be very interested to see what that's like. Come on boys, open those emotional flood-gates!

just chillin'

2008-11-19T22:45:00.000-08:00

Well, life is good these days. It's sort of surreal to think about the months past. I don't know how we did it financially. I mean, I know how; and it's amazing how much we were provided for. We made it, and are still making it in the midst of some very tough times for many people.

Joey is loving his job.

He now has his own permanent class of about twenty 6th graders. They are currently in the middle of a video project which my husband came up with. They split into a couple different groups and each group gets to come up with their own story for a movie. They create the plot, script, costumes, scenery, etc. as well as choose who will be directing and who will be playing which roles. Joey will then film and edit the movies and the kids will get to see how everything comes together.

So far each group has come up with some very interesting stories. Group one decided on the following: A group of kids go camping. All but one go out to collect firewood in the forest, and the one who stays behind gets attacked and bitten by a werewolf. Good stuff right? It gets better. So the kid who was attacked hides his were-wounds from his friends. Night comes and naturally, he turns into a werewolf and starts to attack his friends but the friends prevail and kill their former camping buddy turned werewolf. The end. That's it. No redemption, no happy ending because they found the cure for their poor cursed comrade and they all lived happily ever after. Nope. The end.

The other group Joey's not too sure about. He can't quite seem to understand where exactly the part about a plot comes into the story. They gave him a script, which he read, but can't really put his finger on what it's about. Something about somebody killing someone else and that person getting caught....

Things at the church are still good with me. Maybe its just my nosy side getting its kicks, but I love knowing about and being involved in all the "behind the scenes" stuff there. But mostly it is rad seeing how much care and passion goes into each ministry. We have some amazing leaders who are so gifted and are using those gifts to serve others. I feel privileged to be able to work in the midst of such a unified and humble team.

Thanksgiving is coming and we will be heading out to Salton Sea with Kip and his family to do some desert camping. They do this every year and this will be our first time joining them.

Anyways, I HAD some pics on here of the kids Joey works with at the YMCA, but had to take them off because he doesn't have permission to be posting them publicly. Oops!! If any of you saw the photos before I removed them; you DIDN'T see them. Got it?

What a blessing it is to have your spouse love what they do.

accessorize

2008-11-11T18:30:00.000-08:00

I have officially decided.

Fall is my favorite season. My favorite season.

Favorite.

This is a huge statement for me.

For me, favorites are hard to come by. I feel this is because I am a very un-passionate person. This results in many "no big deal"s, "maybe next time"s, "whatever you want to do"s and "either one is fine with me"s.

I hid behind the label of "flexible" for a long time. I'm just flexible. Whatever is cool with me because I'm flexible. But there comes a time when you just have to face the facts and mine was that I lack passion. I just don't care that much. I know some actual, real-life passionate people (my husband being one of them) and so I can say with confidence I am not one of those people. But that is okay. I have accepted this, made my peace with it.

And so for me to say that I have a favorite is remarkable because it is so not something that an un-passionate person like myself would say. I would say I love this or that, but wouldn't dare take the extreme measure and go so far to say that it is my FAVORITE. That's commitment to say something so bold as that. Listing things like top 10 movies of all time is an impossibility for me. What if I change my mind later? How can I make that kind of decision with so many factors like genre, time period, actors, directors, cinematography, or language to consider in correctly measuring the quality and sentimental weight of said movie?

Rightly so, every favorite determined by myself is a literal celebration which Joey exuberantly participates in. "I figured out what my favorite cookie is!!" I'll exclaim. It is a victory for us both. This is because I am saying that finally I have found something, this one thing worth singling out, standing by, or fighting to defend with every clever argument or convincing piece of evidence I can muster. It is mine. MY favorite.

Fall is mine.

My favorite season.

I would fight for fall.

Let me tell you some reasons why.

The cooler temps are a Godsend after months of humid heat followed by the even warmer Santa Ana winds. Driving through the neighborhoods, the changing pallet of colors prompts smoking chimneys, pumpkins on porch steps, and an all-around cozy feeling. And I actually enjoy how early the darkness comes.

It seems in the summer all I do is try to find ways not to overheat. Cool clothing, fruit salads, popsicles, windows open, sit in front of the fan, try not to move or drive too much. I love summer for it's own reasons, don't get me wrong. But it's not my favorite. Not mine.

The fall brings freedom for me.

Through this I feel inspiration and creativity swelling inside. I want to paint, I want to knit, I want to make Christmas presents. Cook hearty dinners using exciting recipes, spend more time reading in coffee shops, learn a new language. Something is awakened in my soul by a tree full of rusty colored leaves or the smell of cinnamon while walking through the grocery store.

Why would these things stir me so? What significance do these things have?

I was watching the movie "Stranger Than Fiction" recently. This movie is great! I recommend it very highly. At the end of the movie it is talking about life and the little things that we do to fill it and ultimately it says, "And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties which we assume only accessorize our days, are in fact here for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives." I love that.

And so with all this fall-inspired ambition, I want to live an accessorized life. In these small things, life happens. It's in 6th grade art projects, a well written moral-of-the-story from an admired acquaintance, beautifully painted sunsets observed through an apartment window, a fall breeze rosy-ing my cheeks. Eggnog lattes given by a friend. Endless weenie dog fights. An after-work story told by my husband. Soft music encouraging thoughts to flow onto paper.

God is in the details.

However cheesy or over-quoted that statement is, it is infinitely true. How vastly different our lives could be if just one of those "insignificant" details were changed. For good or bad. I want to live in those details, drink them in. Make each one count. Accessorize life.

Paint with all the colors of the wind!

Carried away? Took it too far? Sorry.

By the way it's Oreo.

My favorite cookie is Oreo.

2 refrigerators, no waiting

2008-10-26T14:28:00.000-07:00

After despondently scouring Craig's List for months, it finally happened.

Another miracle.

Why is it such a big deal that we finally got a refrigerator yesterday at a great price? Well, I'll tell you. The one we originally moved in with was too large to fit in our kitchen, so for 6 months now it has been standing awkwardly in our little living room. Trying to find another one that would fit the unusually tight space in our kitchen while staying within our small budget has been challenging to say the least. But that is all over now, friends!

You know how it's been said that everyone is born with something missing in their life; a hole in their heart if you will. And a person can only be complete and at peace again when that hole has been filled with Jesus? Now, imagine you're a kitchen; a kitchen without a refrigerator...

Yesterday, my kitchen's heart was finally filled.

She is at peace.

We still have the old fridge, standing awkwardly as ever in our confused living room, but that will be going away soon and our house will recover.

Rehabilitation, one distressed room at a time.

euphoric

2008-10-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like I could burst.

Randomly I will get these surges of joyful emotion that build inside of me until my body almost can't stand it. I have to yell, or sing, or cry, or smile, or whatever physical expression the emotion demands. Sometimes it can be connected to a specific event, but most times it is seemingly from left field when I am least expecting it.

Today I decided to look up 'euphoria' in the dictionary-
"An exaggerated feeling of emotional and physical well being, out of proportion to circumstances..."

Joey's grandpa passed away today.

After battling cancerous tumors in his body for the past few months, he passed this morning at 11:09am - less than 24 hours from when he was moved from his hospital bed and into a convalescent home. For the last 2 weeks, he had been getting progressively worse. Joey's mom and grandma along with other family members were constantly circulating in and out of the hospital to see him. They spent many late nights in the visitor's lobby, and made many phone calls to update on his frequently changing condition. One day things would be looking up for him, the next day they would take a turn for the worst.

But his family never left his side.

We headed over to Joey's grandma's house as soon as we heard the news. All day long the family was there eating, sharing stories, laughing, crying, eating some more. Everyone wanted to be there to support her during this time. It was awesome to see them all there together. Since I am one of the only non-Mexican people there (except for one of Joey's aunts, Shelly) I usually don't know what is going on for most of time when I visit because everyone speaks Spanish to each other. They speak Spanish to me too sometimes, but I rarely catch on until Joey's mom comes over and interprets for me. I do a lot of nodding and smiling when I go there. But today, we didn't need words. We all knew why we were there. No one had to say it. No one had to interpret.

We were there to be a family.

And no matter what language we spoke, or how long it had been since we last saw each other, or even if we remembered each other's names (which I have a hard time doing occasionally), we were family. It could be felt in every hug. Seen in each smile. We are all connected. I think when humans reach realizations like these about each other, it brings joy to God's heart. We may be from totally different walks of life, speak other languages, have separate views on how to live, how to work, what is cool, what is valuable...but we are all the same and we are all connected.

And so a piece of this family has left and it mourns. And we mourn with those who mourn. But we are confident that though Luis is gone, he is still a part of us and we rejoice that he is no longer in pain. He has gone to be where he belongs. Where he was created to have been all along. In the presence of his Maker, face to face.

I had one of those 'euphoria' moments today after visiting with the family.

I was confused about it at first considering the events the day had brought. And I could be totally wrong and only grasping for meaning to a simple over-release of hormones or something - but I can't help but think that as joy comes to God's heart at the coming together of His creations in love, as well as the new arrival of His child Luis, He is trickling down that joy to us.

And along with joy, peace. The kind that you can't explain with words.

The kind that words can't explain away.

It's fun to stay at the.......

2008-10-16T17:40:00.000-07:00

Y.M.C.A!!

Sound the gong, roll out the barrel. Joey got the job!

First off, my apologies for posting this almost a whole week later than I should have. We got the news last Friday and since then I just haven't gotten around to making it known to the cyber-world.

He went in to fill out paperwork today. I haven't heard yet when he is starting his training, but he is now officially part of working class America again. We have never been so happy.

Here is a good example of excited Joey.

He told me the news over the phone last week and after hanging up, I just went to the floor in thanks to God. I couldn't help it. After 6 months of looking for a job on and off, getting turned down, blown off, never called again - it feels like a miracle that he actually got hired somewhere. I wanted to yell. I think I did yell a little. We are smack dab in the middle of His mighty, loving hand! How much He loves us. How much He watches out for us and cares for us.

We are so blessed.

In other news, Joey and I both got sick recently with small colds. I can't wait for cooler weather. The temperatures tease with each passing week. Last week it was chilly, this week it was sticky as summer with whipping hot winds knocking over trees on our street and sending easy-ups flying. And something is making the dogs curiously randy these days, Frankie tries to mount onto Rosy every chance she gets. Rosy returns the affection by chewing Frank's ankles and ears. They are a strange pair at times.

Ahh, employment. BJ's never tasted so good.

the waiting game...

2008-10-08T12:35:00.000-07:00

Well we will have to wait a little longer folks.

The YMCA said they would let him know at the end of the week or the beginning of next week if he got the job or not. My poor husband. Waiting can be very draining on the body and the soul.

Keep us in your prayers that we don't go out of our minds in anticipation.

c'mon BJ's!

2008-10-08T11:21:00.000-07:00

Joey is at his interview with the YMCA right now as I type!

If he gets the job, it is celebration city at BJ's Pizza tomorrow night.

Keep your fingers crossed! Or should I say, keep you hands folded? (haha, lame churchy joke)

the first, the last, and the last 6 days

2008-10-06T20:08:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday Joey and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary. (woohoo!)

Total, we have been together for 6 years; 3 years dating, 3 years married. It's so weird to think sometimes that we have been together for as long as we have. That for more than half a decade, all my memories, experiences, joys, sorrows, pains, and successes have been shared with this man. This fuzzy-faced, tattooed, ex-punk mexican from Westminster.

I love it!

The first 3 years of dating for us seem like what the first 3 years of marriage should be.

Learning how to communicate, how to 'speak the other persons language', what each other's likes and dislikes are, what makes them upset, learning how do avoid doing those things that make them upset, learning how to apologize correctly (yes, there can be a wrong way), becoming familiar with their habits, tastes, favorites, voice, tone of voice, mannerisms, little quirks, the way their lips quiver when they yawn, etc. Adjusting to the idea that we are no longer single. Learning the balance between significant other, family and friends. Boundaries. Serving each other. Future. Accepting that previous dreams may go unfulfilled. Embracing the new dreams that begin to take shape. Expectations. What do I want in a spouse? Is he what I want in a spouse? What should a spouse be? Not be?

The first three were difficult and confusing.

The first three were wonderful.

The last three began with our wedding in a beautiful park in Huntington Beach.

It is hard to put into words what the last three years have been like.

Nothing seems to do them justice.

There has been laughter. Lots of laughter.

There has been a lot of moving. We are now living in our 4th home together in 3 years.

There has been frustration resolved with understanding.

There have been wrongs overcome with forgiveness.

Trips taken to foreign countries.

Nights at the beach.

Dollar movies.

Sunday nights eating dinner with friends.

Walks with weenie dogs.

Hour-long talks about nothing in particular.

Relationship. One-ness.

The next three promise to bring incredible change. With our 5 year coming up (with plans to go on a major 2 1/2 week last-trip-alone adventure) and the intention to start having kids during that time, who knows where we will be. It's so comforting to know that all these things and so much more that I am not even aware of, are being carefully lead along by God. I know this. There is no question.

Which brings us to the last 6 days.

Thursday Joey had an interview at the YMCA in Orange to be an after-school children's leader in the afternoons. This would be perfect, and there is so much room for him to grow into other positions there. He aced the first interview, and with MUCH patience and nail-biting we waited until today to hear that he is going in for the second interview tomorrow at 11:15am. I don't know if we will actually hear the final decision when the interview is over, but there will definitely be some major celebration if he gets the job. We are trying not to get our hopes up too high, but so far they really like him and he is totally qualified for this job. They even mentioned that there is an assistant director position opening up soon that they think he would be perfect for. Anyways, it's getting me all worked up as I type so I better cool it. I will post when we find out the results.

In the mean time, some nostalgic pictures of the last few years...

San Francisco 2004

Joey with his dream car - VW Fastback

Disney World - Honeymoon 2005

Paris - Honeymoon 2005

New York City - Honeymoon 2005

Vegas - One Year Anniversary 2006

Sunset Beach 2007

Vegas - One Year Anniversary 2006

Big Bear - 2008

too fast

2008-09-28T15:11:00.000-07:00

Time goes by way too fast for me these days.

I realize that it has been 19 days since my last entry. I have tried to stay on top of blogging which I was doing good at for awhile. But then I lost it. It was inevitable. I blame the lack of camera. Taking new pictures always gets me motivated to tell the stories behind them. Even a picture of a bowl of ramen noodles would have a VERY significant correlation to our lives these days. I know it is just awful for you but hey, they are 20 cents a bag and quite tasty with some lemon and Tapatio. Sorry mom, I can feel your growing disappointment with each word that I type.

Joey and I have been out of the House of Doom and living by ourselves in Garden Grove for 5 whole months now.

It is going to be October in 3 days.

I will be turning 26 in 30 days. Yikes!

Everyone new that I meet still thinks I look 18 or younger. The cashier in Smart & Final asked me the other day, "So, no school today?" to which I replied, "Oh, no more school for me these days." He then said, "Ah, out of high school and on to bigger things eh?" He was of course stunned when I said that I was out of college and married. "Wow...you got married young" was all he could manage. Arg.

Speaking of which, Joey and I will be celebrating 3 years of marriage this Wednesday the first.

Time goes so fast.

I wish I had a camera.

(Where on earth could it have gone?!!)

San Francisco Zoo - September 2006

success!

2008-09-09T15:48:00.000-07:00

We found a couch!!

And it is lovely. It is so comfortable and soft and just the right size. We found it on Craig's List and bought it for $50 from a strange man named Ken. Ken barely said a word, never looked you in the eye and would always ask us to "meet him in the garage" as opposed to going into the house. He was the sort of strange that make serial killers strange, or child abductors strange. I think he was probably just shy and thought that Joey looked like a serial killer or child abductor, but strange nonetheless.

One down, one to go. The search is on for a fridge.

Joey got a little cold this week, but is still insisting on playing basketball tonight. Every Tuesday a bunch of guys get together at our church and ball it up for a few hours. It has evolved from being Joey, Kip and a few others to about 10-15 guys coming regularly every week. And some don't even attend our church which is awesome. It has been a great opportunity for Joey to build relationships with these guys and be able to exemplify integrity, a good attitude, leadership and "real-ness" through playing the game. It is so cool to see all the things God can use for His glory. It could be anything!

Today was the first day I decided to wear a semi-longsleeved shirt since the early springtime. It has been getting cooler lately and with the heavy clouds hanging in the air this morning it seemed right, and even wise to do so. This proved to be a pre-mature decision, and I regretted it all day. It was hot in the office, hot outside, and HOT in my car. Sometimes the seasons fool me. You think it is time, and then you fry.

Joey has been looking for jobs again lately. We have no idea if this is the time for him to start working or not. The money is getting quite small, this could be clue number one. I know he misses working at times, maybe clue number two. But with all the great things he is involved in, serving in, dedicating time to, getting ideas for - how can this be the time? How can we steal 25-30 hours a week away from all that is going on with more soon to be coming on the way? But we search, we try, we test.

We may fry. But I know I don't want to be left without a jacket when the cold comes.

good times

2008-08-31T21:35:00.000-07:00

So far, enjoying the Labor Day weekend.

Did a little partying (pool partying, that is) with the Jones' on Saturday. Caught an Angel game today followed by a BBQ with the Smith Clan, Joey's cousin Alex, and the Jones'. Joey has spent the last two nights playing video games with friends and students until the wee morning hours. The dogs have been very graciously taking turns chewing one OLD but still flavorful rib bone. Enjoyable.

No progress on the couch search. We thought we had a lead on one that looked pretty awesome, but I haven't gotten a call back yet. I think they may have gotten rid of it. Bummer! The Magic Floor still adorns our living room floor with all the comfort and nap-ablility you could imagine.

I went to the store and came home to fill our cupboards to the brim with groceries. I love having food in the house, it feels so homey! And not just the bare essentials. Things like graham crackers, dill pickles, snack pouches of granola and best of all - cookies n' cream ice cream! You take for granted the simple things like having food in the fridge when you're growing up. I want to be the kind of mom who always has food around. Which now that I think about it is actually what a responsible mom should be anyways, but you know what I mean. I want to give my kid all those things that make the whole growing up experience so endearing and special to remember. They totally won't realize it as it's happening, but if they can look back as I can and have that fuzzy, childish feeling rush back to them when they ride a bike as an adult, or drink a slurpie on a hot day with their spouse, I will consider their young years a success. A great childhood seems to be one that you can continue to experience no matter how old you get.

Having said that, I am off to go watch 101 Dalmations with my husband.

My husband.

Happy Labor Day!

life goes on

2008-08-25T17:46:00.000-07:00

This week we sold our living room couches. (woo hoo!)

I posted them to Craig's List on Tuesday, got 4 calls for them on Wednesday, and sold them Thursday for our full asking price. I was so stoked! I have never gotten such a quick response from an ad. So now we have some cash for a new couch and a fridge that will fit in our kitchen. Yes, we still have a refrigerator in our living room because it is too big to fit in the kitchen.

Since we have no furniture in our living room, we decided to make a huge Magic Floor.

What is a Magic Floor, you ask?

The Magic Floor originated about 4 years ago in the apartment I shared with my old roommate Stephanie. It was so blissfully comfortable that the only explanation was that it was by magic. You can't tell too well by the photo, but the Magic Floor consists of between 5 and 100 blankets laid one on top of the other to make a dreamy, wonderfully soft and cushy bed to lay on. Then put a blanket or two on top of you as well as some pillows for snuggling with and the result is pure magic. It is so comfortable!!

So I don't think I mentioned, but Joey's video camera went haywire a few weeks ago. He was right in the middle of getting a video done for Sunday, and it stops playing back tapes. In fact we come to find that not only was it not reading tapes, it was actually erasing any tape we would stick into it! Fortunately we were smart enough to get a protection plan for it when we bought the thing, so we sent it in to Best Buy for fixing.

Today we go in to pick it up and they say instead of fixing it, they are going to give us a whole new camera that we get to pick out in the store. If the new one we choose is more expensive, we have to pay the difference. But if the new one is less expensive, we don't get the difference paid back to us. Double standards. As we are looking around for the model we had, it turns out that they don't carry that one anymore. They only carry the upgraded camera which is, of course, more expensive. By like $150!! We don't have $150 to pay for another camera! So we try to get it straightened out with Customer Service and finally they find one online that is more expensive, but is on sale for the amount that we have coming to us. So after all is said and done, we are getting a better camera plus we got like $21.50 handed to us on a gift card for the difference. Cool!

Not the most interesting or inspiring blog this week, but life goes on.

makeover

2008-08-16T17:32:00.000-07:00

Woah there! Where am I? Holy Mole! What the...???

Yeah, so I was bored and decided to makeover our page a bit.

Feel free to browse around. Check out Joey's latest videos, our friend's blogs, etc. There's not too much different, but we have to keep the people on their toes, right?

Of course right.

Still no progress on the missing camera case. No, the case is not missing. Just the camera.

Enjoy the old photos. It's like a step back in time.

Santa Barbara with Kip & Na'e 2004?

Fallow show at The Alley 2006

Houndies-Frankie, Rosy, & Duke

Vegas for Casey's birthday June 2008

Life is good.

early

2008-08-14T18:31:00.000-07:00

Last week Joey and I started running in the mornings.

It is awesome. I love morning.

Getting out of bed however......

The alarm goes off at 6 am, we snooze till 7.

7:02. 7:05...

7:08 lets out a snooze ring on the alarm, and we bravely wrestle away the warm, cozy blankets and expose ourselves to the chilly gray morning. Open up those blinds to let the almost too bright light pour through the window. I heard somewhere that looking in the direction of brighter light will help your body wake up. Makes sense to me.

Brush the teeth, empty the tank, pull back the hair. As we groggily get dressed, the thoughts that are now running through my mind are very important for what is to come. The first couple days of this routine were filled with "this is going to be so hard." "I want to go back to sleep." "I can't wait till this is over." "Why am I doing this?"

And it got to me.

All throughout the run, these thoughts would be hammering into my brain, into my legs, into my lungs. The WHOLE way. It was a long run. The sun was hot, the sidewalk uneven, the air smotheringly still. And then when my stopping point was just barely in sight, all these tortures increased ten-fold. Like when you have to pee, the second your brain recognizes that you are within range of a toilet its all you can do to hold it until you get there. My thoughts were in command. And I gave in like a whipped pup. It was pathetic.

That was the first couple days.

The days to follow were quite different. As the dressing routine begins, I fill my mind with thoughts contrary to the days before. "This is going to be great." "Look how beautiful it is outside and I get to be a part of it." "I am going to go further today than I did yesterday." "I am lighter than air!" "My legs are running animals."

And it got to me.

Sure it was still hard. It's still RUNNING. Running for no reason. I'm not running away from danger or catching food or training for the olympics. But I know it is good for me. I know it builds discipline and good habits. And with all those good attitudes pouring out of me during this pointless run, I feel great! I am running faster, I am running easier, I am running! And it actually WAS beautiful outside. I really DID go farther than I did the day before. Just like I made myself think. And I am amazed at how much of a difference my attitude and thoughts made while running. Mind over body. It's like a super-power.

And in all these death defying, super-human thoughts I start to think "I am so glad I got up this morning!" How many people get to think that? I just heard of a guy the other day that willfully walked into on-coming freeway traffic, killing himself because he just lost his job, wasn't married, had nothing to live for. He had no reason to get up in the morning. How sad that is! Getting up in the morning is hard. The blankets beckon, the room is cold and quiet, my husband is warm next to me. But I know that if I keep sleeping, I will miss out on so much. I will regret it.

No other time can I experience the fresh awakening of the day. The sky is still gray. Smells of sweetness I can't even begin to describe rise into the air. All the colors in trees, flowers, sky, and earth are intensified. The blood is flowing. The goosebumps are subsiding. My shoes clack-clack-clack in the stillness of the early morning. I will miss out on all that if I keep sleeping. Coming home to stretch and catch my breath, Joey & I take a quick shower while listening to some Stevie Wonder and he always replaces the lyrics of songs with the word 'poop' at one time or another. My Cherie of Poop. Signed, sealed, delivered; I'm Poop. Isn't She Poopy? How could I choose sleeping over all that?

I would be cozy if I had moved to Sacramento. I would be comfy if we had a house instead of an apartment. I would be dreaming the day away wrapped up in blankets if Joey had a job.

But I would be missing so much. I would regret it.

Maybe not, I would be oblivious to the possibilities available. But now knowing what the morning brings, I would regret it big time.

I have to choose to get up out of bed. Although even if I do that, it can still suck if I don't get those super-power thoughts flowing.

We are faced with decisions everyday to choose between getting up, or staying in bed. Do we stay in an area that we can't afford to do God's will trusting that He will provide, or move to a more appealing place where we can 'take care of ourselves'? Does Joey get a full-time great paying job so that we are sittin' pretty with an easy life, or opt for the no-job-but-I-get-to-spend-time-praying-studying-being-with-students-investing-in-people's-lives-doing-what-I-was-created-to-do-for-no-pay option? When our car gets towed (as it did recently) and we have to pay $300 to get it out do we get upset, stress out, and complain about it, or take it as an opportunity to lean into Christ more than before and learn patience, trusting, and humility?

We are experiencing things we never thought we would. We are growing in ways I never knew we could. We are getting thrown around and stepped on by circumstances so much these days that it is now just business as usual. I told Joey I feel like Eeyore without all the complaining. "Figures that would happen to us" seem to be a common phrase in our house. Yet there is joy. And there is laughter. Because we chose to be super-human.

Sometimes, we take the sleeping option.

I pray that we are given the strength to get up tomorrow morning.

It's so beautiful in the morning.

updates

2008-07-25T23:21:00.000-07:00

So, it's been...awhile since the last entry here. I'm sure the world is waiting right on the edge of their seat to know what is happening with us these days. Well world fret no more, I have an update.

I misplaced our camera recently. Update number one.

We finally got some living room furniture! We got a great TV stand for cheap thanks to Goodwill, and a much needed shelving unit to put some boxed stuff away. It is starting to look a little more like we live there now. Due to the incident in update number one, I was unable to document this momentous occasion. But I did manage to re-create all of the emotion and triumph of this event through the following artistic demonstration:

This would be a before and after shot of...either of our faces, can't really tell who it looks more like, at the difference it makes in our apartment. Notice the elated, free, joyful excitement in the after shot. Feel the heavy, saddening, mournful state of the figure in 'before'. This picture says a lot about all of us; which stick-man will you be today?
Update number two.

Youth camp was scheduled for this upcoming week and was cancelled/re-planned because of fires going on no where near our campsite. For whatever reason, the Federal Forests weren't opening up our campground which was a bummer. So we will be spending 2 days at 2 beautiful beaches this week hanging out and loving on our students. It should be an awesome alternative that I am looking forward to.

Our annual Mexico trip with Joey's family was postponed due to drug wars happening in the area we visit each year. Huge disappointment. But there is talk of going anyways. That's right. We like to live on the edge. We're hardcore.

Frankie our oldest Dachshund is 'in her season' this week. She is wearing a dog diaper to keep from seasoning our cream colored carpet with Tapatio, if you know what I mean. Rosie our youngest thinks it is a fun chew toy. Our dogs keep each other entertained.

Let's see. Updates 3, 4, & 5...done.

Other than that, I have been very busy at the church. There don't seem to be enough hours in my day. However I did get the pleasure of learning that I am getting a raise! Look out folks, $14 Janvier is on the loose in the office! I couldn't be more pleased. It comes at a great time too but then, when is it not a great time to get a raise? People tell me I am getting better at doing sound, but sometimes I feel I am getting worse. Our Pastor says I should make it sound as awful as possible and then it will be the best it has ever been. He is encouraging in strange ways.

Oh, I don't think I mentioned before that I do sound at our church and what a coincidental fact that is. Well the long and short of it is, I did it for awhile in Big Bear until I decided that I wanted to do it as a career. So I moved down here to the OC and went to a Junior College in Huntington Beach taking Audio classes. This is where I met the man of my dreams, mohawk and all. After finishing my classes I realized that a career in this field would require the completion of an internship which I could not afford to do since they are typically unpaid, and I was living on my own at this point. So I canned the idea. Forget it. Maybe someday, I said. Someday I'll do it again and it will be great. Well that someday came about 3 months ago. Over 4 years from the last time I was in class for Sound, and over 5 years before that since I had actually worked in the field in Big Bear. Go figure. Praise the Lord.

Well for now I think that's all the updates I can stand to list at once. It is now 12:40am and my poor husband wants to leave Kip's house and go home. We do not have internet at home right now, another reason for the delay in posts.

Writing again soon is a goal I hope to conquer. We will see.

gifts

2008-06-30T14:30:00.000-07:00

Hooray for summer.

What strange forms gifts come in these days.

Joey has been on the job search for almost 5 months now. We thought we had a couple in the bag at times, but when reaching in we found ourselves empty-handed. It has been so discouraging getting turned down again and again. And again. And then things start looking up…and then turned down again.

What the heck? What more can we do?

Maybe if Joey just re-words his resume to say this, or what if he wears this shirt to the interview so they don’t see his tattoos, or how about he tells them he is available to work weekends, or maybe if he just gets certified to do such and such he will be guaranteed a position…

Desperation.

But I don’t feel it in my heart. I don’t feel panicked, I don’t feel like I’m struggling for breath or clawing for a handhold. Yet when I reflect on our actions, on the small compromises we are willing to make, they don’t exactly translate into peace or assurance.

So we decided. We are not going to let this ruin our lives.

We have been given a gift; a gift that so many people ache to acquire. We have been given time. Time for Joey to learn as much as he can about video and develop his talent. Time to spend with students playing basketball and Frisbee golf. Time to start a discipleship group with a couple of up and coming teachers in the youth group. Time to help me around the house, write music, work out, and give our dogs baths. Time to sit and meditate on God’s plans, or receive inspiration to write messages. Our Father knows how to give good gifts to His children and every good and perfect gift comes from Him.

Since we were shown all this, a huge weight has been lifted. We know that this is God’s plan and so He will be the one paying our bills and bringing home the bacon. The sense of relief in my husband is more than apparent. Peace has returned. Peace in the midst of what is still an unsettling situation to the outsider. But that is what makes it so amazing! He truly uses the weak things to shame the strong. The despised things, the foolish things.

He uses them to shame me! I am the one who considers these things weak and foolish. It was such a struggle for me to think of staying in Orange County because I knew that we would be broke and uncomfortable in a smoggy, over-trafficked area. That’s why I wanted to move. I despised the idea of staying here. I thought it was foolish to spend so much money to live here when other places are so much cheaper and more beautiful. I was looking forward to having a home, a place where I felt secure and unburdened. A place with nature and beauty, family close by and friends for housemates. A haven. A sanctuary. These were the things I considered strengths and worthwhile goals. And so I assumed my ideas of value on God and without ever asking for the wisdom or guidance that He has to offer.

But I am so grateful that by His mercy he chose to use me anyway. Here. Now. In Orange County. In this apartment. With an unemployed Mexican boy. I could not be more pleasantly surprised with God’s choice of gift as this.

times

2008-06-06T16:14:00.000-07:00

Isn’t it funny how fast time goes by?

We’ve already been in our new place now for a whole month! And I have already managed to be a day late on the rent. It still looks like we just moved in yesterday. Boxes everywhere, nothing on the walls, fridge in our living room.

Yes in our living room. It didn’t fit in the kitchen. This we discovered AFTER poor Joey & Kip muscled and maneuvered their way around corners and up stairs. My husband amazes me. No offense to Kip, but Joey practically lifted that huge fridge up those stairs by himself. Kip amazes me too, but for many different reasons. Reasons like how he is actually, diagnosed-ly allergic to the cold. Or how there is neither circumstance nor trial in all of creation in which Kip does not carry a pen somewhere on his person. He’s always got one! It’s amazing!!

Here is a picture I found of Kip from a couple years ago.

Amazing, right? I know.

But enough about Kip.

The past two weeks I have been strolling happily down memory lane, thanks to the great movies “Sense & Sensibility” and “Pride & Prejudice” (not the one with Keira Knightly, the old one with Colin Firth). Man, those are two good movies. I have also received my share of eye-rolling and ‘what a stupid movie’ from Joey who doesn’t quite share the same appreciation for film as I do.

Thanks to my good old friends the Bakers, and my sentimental mother, I grew up watching these and did my own share of eye-rolling every time my mom would get all misty at the part when Hugh Grant tells Emma Thompson he did not get married to Miss Steele after all but that his heart would always be hers only. Now of course, I get misty myself. Good old 19th century England.

Anyways here are some photos of our apartment, bare as it is.

Future Comfy End of Day

Future Napping Retreat Escape

Future Reading Nook/Cafe Area-minus Fridge

Future Film Maker's Genius Bar

Future Day Spa

Future View by Twinkle Lights

Future Creative Cuisine Headquarters-complete with Fridge

Present Sun-Bathers

I love being home.

storms

2008-05-26T12:29:00.000-07:00

I love the changing of seasons.

There are few things I enjoy more than the smell of moist earth in the springtime, or dark storm clouds heavy with rain hanging ominously over my head. That solemn, eerie presence of a coming rainstorm. The ceiling of the sky so low it’s almost reachable from my second-story apartment. I feel so feeble, yet strangely alive in my soul when I hear the powerful rumble of thunder roll across the sky. The good kind of thunder that thumps in your stomach and gives you butterflies. I wait in eager anticipation as I search the skies for flashes of lightning.

When I was younger, one of my best friends used to live just up the street from me. We loved to get on our cordless phones with each other and stand in the street in front of our houses to look for lightning bolts. Since we lived on the same street, we could see each other in the distance and we would exclaim into the phone, “did you see that one?” or “wow, that one was close!” or “hey that cloud looks like a cow”.

And the smell of rain would be so strong in the air until finally…a single drop on my forehead. Then one on my arm. Two more fall on my head, and then one falls into my eye because by this time I’m staring up at the clouds and that is what happens when you look up when its raining-you get rained on in the eye. Usually around this time my friend and I would decide to get off the phone because it is not very smart to use the phone in the rain especially if there is lightning going on all around.

The rain would pour and the thunder would pound and soon there would be muddy puddles everywhere just begging to be jumped in and splashed through. But I would go and sit at my window-seat, maybe grab a pillow or a blanket, and just watch the rain. Watch all the colors grow more vibrant as trees and earth grow moist. Watch flower petals and leaves dance with each drop that falls on them. Watch as birds and squirrels scurry to find dry shelter.

Everything is transformed; and somehow by this simple change of weather I feel the presence of God. I am reminded of how He has blessed me through difficult times. Of how much beauty and creativity He has and how it is all around as a glimpse into Him. I feel how strong His love and protection are over me and I feel thankfulness and joy building inside of me. Worries and cares grow small and loose their grip. Peace, joy and refreshment grow with the puddles.

Eventually the downpour eases up and the sunlight breaks through to the earth and warms the ground. The new smell that emerges of rain mixed with wet dirt, pine needles, tree bark and grass is almost mouthwatering. Growing up in Big Bear, you come to know and love this smell. It’s like life in your lungs.

These times of ours now are difficult to understand. Our ‘sure things’ fall through as money and time grow short. Yet we are rich and joyful in His service. He has not been unfaithful in using us as He said He would. My position at the church steadily grows in responsibilities, which I am so thankful for. Joey has been popping out awesome videos left and right as well as attending the high school youth group again as I hope to do soon. And already at BOLD (youth group) he is being used. I so enjoy watching him become more and more a man running after God’s heart, as I run alongside clasping his hand.

God has provided for us in amazing ways both physically and spiritually through this whole transition and I know He will continue to do so. I look forward to experiencing more ‘rain’ moments in the seasons to come.

Yet I find I am eager for the sunlight to break through.

farewell for now

2008-04-29T19:28:00.000-07:00

"It's like the end of an era!" - Friends

This week packing has taken its toll. My feet ache, my patience is wearing thin, the house is a mess, the dogs are bored. No matter how many boxes I pack, it seems that I never get closer to finishing. There is always another cabinet or closet that needs to be packed up. How did we acquire so much stuff? But with every box that is crammed with stuff, there is also a memory or memento that is packed away with it.

Halloween cookies that we passed out to our neighbors the first month we were a house are in the baking pans box. Last Christmas with our friends Nelson, Brandon and Tiffany is in the decorations box. Family dinners crowded around our small dining table are in the plates and cups box. Being room neighbors with Kip and hearing Halo 3 through the wall at night is in the video games box. Having the honor of wearing a bridesmaid's dress in Nathan and Casey's wedding is in my clothing box.

House of Doom has always been a concept that would raise the eyebrows of those we would tell. I even find it amazing that we lasted as long as we did but I know we could have definitely kept on going if it were God's plan. I know I learned a lot about myself during the past year and a half. For example...I like things clean. I never knew how much I really like it when things are clean. But living with 3 boys was a great opportunity for me to find this out.

There will always be a special place in our hearts for H.O.D. We were blessed to have great friends as roommates and we look forward to seeing what God will do now that we are apart geographically.

To all who came to stay-

Abigail Jones, Brandon Savage, Tiffany Rocket (who actually stayed for a year), Ben & Patricia Free, Joel from PR, Nelson, August, Neil, Brandt, Jake, all other crusties (there were many), Blue, Wred, Truman, any others I didn't mention; we hope our couch was comfy and that the carpet didn't smell too bad.

To all who came to visit-

Alan & Karen Jones, Gary & Carolynn Nichols, Rob & Vienna Bower, Jose & Sandra, Joel & Vivian Vargas, Matt & Christine Smith, Marion McAlpine, Cousin Alex, Blue, Wred, Truman, D Kids, Liz Alsky, Kelly, Katie G., K&K Gibson, Celia Zimmer, Celia G., Rachel, Parrish Ladies, Jeremy, Cory, Liz Santana, Justine, any other Living Springers, Taylor, Manda, Bug, Jake, Andrake, Paul, Brent, Brenn, all others I didn't name; thanks for filling our house with laughter and good converstaions.

And to all to resided in the House-

Nathan & Casey Doom, Kip Doom, Joey Doom, Tiffany Mumma, & Quiggle; it wasn't always pie in the sky, but I love all of you and consider myself blessed to have had the privilege of living with all of you at some point.

We love House of Doom

begin...

2008-04-21T20:04:00.000-07:00

I love fresh starts.

I hate starting new things.

Confusing? Yes.

I love that feeling when everything is fresh and organized. When you've just cleaned out that closet for springtime or balanced the check book. I find it humorous how much joy I get out of getting all the bills paid and the check book balanced. I don't look forward to spending the money we get on fun stuff so much as I love putting aside grocery money or paying off that credit card balance. I love when I have a FULL gas tank, which is hard to come by these days. When that needle is on the F, I can go anywhere I want without having to stop. The world is at my fingertips.

I hate starting new things. New jobs are particularly hard. You don't know anything, you don't know anybody, you feel stupid when you have to ask where the bathroom is. Very uncomfortable. If it is a new art style or hobby it takes awhile before your sculpture goes from a lumpy, deformed ashtray to a beautiful, useful vase.

I love moving to a new place.

I hate moving.

Joey and I are getting ready to move out of our beloved House of Doom and into a one bedroom apartment of our own. For those of you who don't know, House of Doom is where we have spent the last year and a half living a communal lifestyle with some of our best friends. There has always been at least 5 inhabitants at a time in our three bedroom apartment in Westminster which we lovingly named the House of Doom. The reason for naming it this is a bit of a long story which I will tell at another time. This is the first time that Joey and I will be living by ourselves in 2 years. Though we are sad to see our house family part ways, we are also very excited to see what is in store for us next. The whole process of moving is just annoying. Boxes, packing, transporting, unpacking, painting, cleaning, ugh. I hate it! But I love waking up in a new house, a new room, a new start.

This is one of our fresh starts.

Another one is that Joey is currently looking for a new job. He needs one by the end of this month and just when we were starting to bite our nails in anticipation, today he got not one but TWO job offers. Now the dilemma is which one do we take? What a pickle to be in - to have to choose between two blessings from God! He is so faithful, but usually a little late in my opinion.

These two things set the scene for what is really important to us at the moment.

Recently Joey and I have been filled with a passion to serve our current church family in Garden Grove. If any of you know Joey, you will see how this is a miracle from Jesus! Joey loves the church but has had struggles in the past with how to be a part of it. Since this change of heart, God has already blessed us with some incredible opportunities to serve using gifts and desires that we already had but didn't know how or where to apply them. We felt this calling so strongly that we changed our deeply-rooted plans to move to Northern California this summer, and decided to stay in the OC.

We have been given purpose.

I can't explain how much this has influenced our life and opened our eyes to true reality.

We have purpose.

As a Christian I have always known this to be true. You hear it constantly in church sermons, songs, prayers, Christian lingo, everywhere.

Until a couple months ago, I had never been so unbelievably honored as by being given the gift and responsibility of true purpose here. To realize that God knows us, sees us, and trusts us enough to give us something of worth to carry out is amazing. Because of this, living in an unattractive, overpriced area is beautiful; working a job getting paid just enough to get by is abundance; feeling the pressure of deadlines for moving and employment getting closer is freedom; struggling side-by-side with my husband to serve Him the best way possible is heaven on earth.

I think God likes fresh starts too.

He is the only one who can make our lumpy, deformed ashtray into something beautiful and useful.

greetings!

2008-04-18T18:56:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well. To all who happen upon this humble blog, welcome in.

I never thought I would be writing for pleasure and time will tell what becomes of it and me through the process, but I can say that I am genuinely excited to see what develops. Hopefully both Joey and I will be able to contribute often. We hope to add some homemade music to this blog soon as well.

My apologies ahead of time if I end up blabbing on and on about meaningless things like what color we painted our apartment recently or how funny Friends is. However, sometimes those are the things that make up a lot of what makes us us.

So even if I am just saying this to myself...enjoy the journey to come.